Speaking of being dumped, I have for you another diary entry from June 17th, 1996. I was 16 years old and I had just gotten dumped by Adam. So enjoy!

Ex boyfriends totally suck, especially when they were recieving a blow job one minute and dumping you the next.

The one I am referring to is Adam. He dumped me on Friday, June 14th for the following reasons:

1. I ask too many questions, and you aren't supposed to ask questions about love. (Those were his exact words!)

2. There is too much confusion.

3. We were annoying each other.

That's according to him. These are some real reasons why -

1. I wanted sex, he didn't.

2. We were becoming too addicted to making each other horny and doing interesting sexual acts. (Note: This is 8 months or so before I actually get some real sex. I was quite preoccupied with the subject, as you can see.)

3. We didn't really know each other.

4. His family comes first.

5. Life sucks.

Well, anyway. He said he would call me tonight, which doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. If he doesn't, that means he doesn't care about how I'm feeling and the hell with him. I am so angry with him right now.. ugh. I want to beat him up, but I don't really want to because that would hurt him and I don't want to hurt him.

It was a relationship of many firsts - his first time receive a blow job, my first time to give one; I was only the 2nd girl he's ever kissed (it showed the first couple of times he kissed me, too.) I was the first girl he fingered, the first girl he ate out. I don't know if I was the first girl he's ever loved, but his last girlfriend cheated on him and lied to him.

Anyway, right now I'm angry and sad. I'm sad because he didn't love me enough to try to continue the relationship. I get sad when I think about him kissing another girl or even liking another girl.

He has 45 minutes to call me before I give up and go on with my life.

Well, anyway. I have to spend some time with my geometry book. I'll talk to you later tonight.

Top 10 good things about not having a boyfriend:

1. Spending more time with friends

2. Not having to worry about conflicting schedules

3. I can have fantasies about his best friend without feeling guilty

4. Cybersex!

5. Love sucks anyway

6. I don't have to shave!

7. I don't have wear pretty underwear all the time!

8. Not worrying about all the mindless conversations we were having when we really just wanted to get it on.

9. I don't have to pretend to like his dad.

10. Can do things with other ex boyfriends.

Just in case you were wondering, he did not call me that night, causing me to be one very sad 16 year old. And we only went out for 3 months! No wonder I'm freaking out so much over 5 years! Yeesh.

Here's from August 2nd, 1996.. see if this reminds you of anything. It does for me.

I'm going to see Adam in 30 minutes. I look good. Some how I think that if I look good then I will get him back. I am making a mistake. Why did I have to see him? I'm setting myself up for this.

Seriously, I didn't spend 2 hours this morning getting dressed to go see Matt. I didn't iron my shirt or curl my hair or do my makeup and put on all my sexiest clothes and go to great pains to look especially gorgoues, I really didn't. Okay, I did. Shut up. I'm 7 years older now, you'd think I'd at least be a little wiser.

Later.. I controlled myself the best I could. The whole time I was hoping, wishing, dreaming that something would happen. I was nervous, then I was horny. I wanted him so bad. Lunch was okay, but then we went to Ali-Kat's house, the place where many of our make-out sessions took place. There was no hint of him liking me, no hint of remorse or regret. I still love him! Why? Why do I love such a cold hearted piece of shit? Why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?

Maybe I did this because I was testing myself and him. I wanted to see if I could handle it, and I wanted to see if he could resist me. I can't and he could. So, the point is, Adam sucks, I suck. We all suck.

It depresses me that I haven't changed at all in 7 years.

I'm going to go get pretty for Matt now.