I'm happy for a lot of reasons. I'm happy that I'm making lots of money. I'm happy that I have something to do for 8 hours a day and I don't have to plan every single second of my day. I'm happy that I get paid next Friday. I'm happy that I initiated conversation with Matt in a week and I haven't talked to him in almost 6 days.

That's big, people. And it seems like it's actually getting easier. Whomever presides over Annoying Things That Happen When One is Getting Over a Break-Up was really trying to screw me today, but I just gave them the finger, yes I did! Like, when I was flipping channels and Great Expectations was on. We saw that together a month or so after we first got together, and I think maybe we made out the whole time. Did I ever tell yall about the time we went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show and we were making out so much that we actually got picked to be the Make Out Couple? Anyway, that was a tangent and I apologize.

The One who Presides also deemed it necessary to play "Riding with the King" by BB King and Eric Clapton at Barnes and Noble today. That's totally a random song, and Matt used to love it. He'd play it over and over and over, and I heard it for the first time since the break up today. Instead of curling up into the fetal position and crying, I continued to read my magazine and I barely paid attention to the song at all. It was nice.

The ultimate test, of course, was when "Drift Away" came on the radio. If ever there was a remake of a song to come along at a worse time, it's Drift Away. We just had a running joke about that ever since I made a bet with him that Bob Seger sang it. He didn't. And I had to pay up. But anyway, today I didn't even turn the station like my fingers were on fire when it came on. I let it play. I let it seep into my system, becoming just a regular song that happens to play from time to time on the radio.

The point is, and I reserve the right to change my mind at any point anytime soon, that as of June 6th, 2003, at 10:53 PM, I am feeling good. I am feeling like I can beat this. I feel like I can overcome. I feel good about the situation and not knowing the outcome of the situation in its entirety. I am at a good place. This can change in a matter of seconds, but right now, it's allll goooodd.

And on my lunch break, I heard Welcome to the Jungle and then right after that, Youth Gone Wild. It made me happy for a good 30 minutes to hear those two songs back to back. Austin radio is getting better, yes sireee.

In other news, at some point during this weekend I think I will be shaving my naughty bits. All off. Much to the dismay of Matt, I've never done that before, even though he practically begged me to for a good portion of our relationship. So it'll be good. It'll kinda be like I'm giving him the finger, saying "Hah! I'm happy being single and I'm gonna shave my naughty bits to prove it!" And don't put it past me to tell him about it the next time I talk to him, either. I want him to know. I want him to think about it and eventually be aroused by it and then at some point, be worried about it.

My 2 year D-Land anniversary is the month, and I'm debating whether or not to commemorate it with a huge anniversary entry like I did last year. I mean, nothing has happened this year or anything. I only got released from a 5 year relationship, graduated from college and moved to my dream city, no big deal, right?

If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be in Austin, without Matt, working at a call center, I would have punched them. Because it just wasn't a possible option for me at that time. How things can change so much in just a short amount of time, it's astounding to me. But these things happen for a reason, and I'm happy now. Really. Seriously.

Okay then.

That's about all for now. I do want to talk about the dream I had about my old best friend Amanda, but I think I'll do a whole entry on that tomorrow. I also want to address a few Matthew issues, but I think we're good on that for now.

So have a good weekend. I'm gonna watch Sleepless in Seattle with the lights off now.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago? *sigh... life used to be so much easier.. *

"There is something I do that disturbs me. That thing is sleep talking. Sometimes I find myself talking about things that make no sense to BB at like 4 am, because he always stays up until like 5 am and the latest I'll stay up is probably 2, so I'm usually asleep and he's not. Anyway, I say the weirdest things when I'm asleep, and BB is so used to it he doesn't even tell me that I was doing it anymore. I don't even know what I'm saying or if I even said anything when I wake up the next morning, and that's just bad. What if I'm telling him all of my life's secrets? Well, it's not like I have many of them, you do get to telling your secrets after being together 4 1/2 years. But still.. that's wacky and really strange and unsettling!"