I am feeling better this morning. Waking up to the sound of rain makes me happy, although I'm starting to think that actual rain depresses me. Yesterday I was so lonely and crazy and unhappy and it might have been the constant rain that brought this on, but what can ya do sometimes?

I slept better last night (well, before I got up at 2:30 AM and looked at Matt's webpage with the picture of him and his girlfriend replacing the picture of him and me, but I digress) because I slept on the other side of the bed. Amazing how that helps, isn't it? I was just grateful. I will do whatever possible to make my sleeping arrangements better. Yay sleep.

I have to confess something. I am so totally into Avril Lavigne's new song, "I'm with You." I heard it for the first time last week and I didn't know it was her, and I was like, "Damn, that's a good song!" I'm sorry. I feel so ashamed.

My brother is coming back from his road trip today, and I'm going to church to interact with actual human beings, so that should be good. I'm anxious to get my life started here.. this past week was me trying to get settled and to figure out where everything is and all kinds of excuses like that, but starting tomorrow, it's on, yo. I realized after talking to Matt last night that I better get my shit together or I'm just never going to have a relationship with anyone ever again. I can't imagine meeting anyone in this shape that I'm in. The only person who has paid any attention to me is that homeless guy with the sign that said "I'm not wearing any underwear", who said, before I rolled up the window and went on my merry way, "I like you. The way you look." Ummmm.

I am seeing something different, though. People do talk to me a little more, and they're a little friendlier these days. I don't think it's Austin, I think it's because I don't have that "Fuck you, I have the only friend that I need" look about me that I had for so long. I seriously thought I was the shit.. I had a guy that loved me and I didn't need anyone or anything else, and I know that turned people off. I know that my whole 4 1/2 years in college nobody approached me because I didn't look like I needed or wanted to be approached. But here I am.. back in the real world. It's nice to have the reality check. I'm anxious to start seeing what else is out there.

I also realized yesterday that painting really helps me chill out. I was crying all night at Borders and when I drove back, but then I watched Pretty Woman and painted, and I felt better almost instantly. Yay painting.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"Speaking of sex, I really wish I was having some. I hope me and BB do get married at some point so at least I can know I didn't wait 5 or 6 years for him without sex for no reason. Damn virgins!"

Ehehehh. I just won't even comment. Really.