So, here's the fun situation: I went to work yesterday all prepared to give two weeks notice. Guess what? I didn't even get a chance to do that. The manager took me in his little office and said, "I guess you noticed you weren't on the schedule for this week." And I'm like, "Uh huh." Of course I knew this was going to happen. I just wanted to quit before it did.

He explained that he wasn't firing me, and I should look at it more as a "lay off." That I was one of the last people hired so he was going to let me go first. That he expected a lot out of this store in sales, but they just weren't making it. It wasn't based on performance at all, and he didn't even want to fire anyone, but he kinda had to. So, it was okay. I didn't even cry this time! Being fired 3 times in one year is so good for my self esteem.

The way I made everyone uncomfortable is quite simple. The shift manager told me to go home 45 minutes into the shift because we were so slow. I loudly announced "Come on! It's my last shift ever and I have to LEAVE?!" Everyone listening was like, "It's your last shift? WHY?!" So yeah, that was fun. I did get a hug out of it, though, which I really wasn't quite expecting. Yay unexpected hugs!

Let me take you through the jobs this year, shall I?

1. Jason's Deli, Delivery driver - I was under the impression that I, being a college graduate, deserved a little more than rolling pickles and cutting in half rock solid pieces of pea soup. I was wrong, apparently. I quit after 3 days.

2. Temp secretary at a construction company - Wow, do I suck as a secretary! Plus, I was having some depression issues and I think I might have cried every single day of this job. All I did was answer the phone, and I couldn't find anything else to do there. I got fired three weeks into this failed project. Note to self: Don't be a secretary.

3. Customer Service for General Motors - I answered phone calls all day from people who were pissed at something or another pertaining to their crappy ass cars. Don't buy GM - They really couldn't care less about you. Also, I sucked at this job. Halfway through it, Matt and I even got back together, so I wasn't depressed or anything, I was just bad at it. I didn't have any sympathy for anyone. This job lasted longer than any of them at 2 whole months. I got fired. Because I sucked.

4. Burrito maker - I was good at it. I enjoyed it. I worked at the new store, and people in the area where we are haven't caught on yet. So, I get fired. This one lasted about a month and a half.

So, that's that. The end of my Austin job experiences. For the next 2 weeks I have absolutely nothing to do but look for a job in Dallas and not go crazy with boredom.

The second group of people I made uncomfortable were my girls. We had a Christmas party last night and I was talking to Kay. I told her, "I don't have anything else to do this week, since I'm not going to work again EVER." This made the whole party go silent and I had to explain to them yet again what a loser I am. I really did feel like a loser at that time. They've all been there for me this whole year and I'm sure they're all slightly tired of my work issues.

So that was fun.

In completely different news, Matt got his panties in a wad last night because I wouldn't run right over to his house at 11:45 to give him nookie. I wasn't about to drive three hours to do that, especially since he's coming to see me this week anyway.

He got all snotty about it! Like I owed it to him or something. I'm glad I said no.. I was close to giving in. I don't technically have a damn thing to do in Austin right now, and I could have. But fuck me gently with a chainsaw, in 3 weeks we're going on a week-long road trip where we'll be together 24/7. In 2 months, I'm going to live not more than 25 minutes from him.

I don't know. I'm not feeling that wonderful about the future of this relationship at the moment. He's made some little comments and such that lead me to believe that he thinks things are going to be the same way they were before we broke up once I get back.

I have news for him: They won't be. I have successfully been without his ass for more than a year, and you know what? I haven't exploded. I'm fine. I know that I can hang out by myself or with friends during the weekend, and that's cool. I don't need to see him to know he's there, you know?

I just think he expects I'll be at his beck and call when I get back. Probably because I always have been. But I fully expect to join a church, make some friends, cultivate relationships with old friends, do whatever it takes to build a life for myself in Dallas. I'm going to be staying there for a long time, possibly for the rest of my life, so I better get it going as soon as possible.

I expect we'll have some difficulties with this pretty soon. You know what? I look forward to it. I'm anxious for us to question our boundaries and what we expect of each other so that we can finally figure out if we're the right people for each other. Right now I know we're very sexually compatible, but seriously? That's not that hard to find. It's the other stuff that's hard to find, and I'm not sure if we'll be able to find that within each other.

*takes a deep breath*

Anyway. I had to get that out.

Thats all for now. Rock on, beyotches.

*****

a year ago...

"But you know what? I don't even care anymore. I'm so past my big obsession that I had in September, mostly because I have so many other things to worry about. And really. I'm beginning to think that Axl doesn't deserve my hero worship. He obviously couldn't care less about the fans that have stayed with him even in his botox-hair extentioned ass days, his "I'm not going to tell you when the new album is coming out because that would be too easy" stage, the "I'm going to fall off the face of the planet for at least 5 years stage", the "The tour has only been going for less than a month and already there's been two riots stage," etc. I mean, come on. It's not worth it to be a fan these days."

and...

"Last night really makes me wonder why I spent so much time in the past 5 years hanging out with my boyfriend instead of hanging out with my friends. I mean, seriously.. isn't singing Living On a Prayer with your 2 best friends in a Jeep just tons better than sitting on your boyfriend's bed and staring at him type on his computer?

The answer is yes, my friends. The answer is yes."