I am having massive Six Feet Under withdrawal. I wish the second season was rentable, because I want to get me some. It's a good thing there's a new episode tonight, or my brain might explode. I was also kinda looking forward to the 90210 reunion, but unfortunately that's on at the same time. I love Brandon and Brenda, don't get me wrong, but Six Feet Under has precedence, oh yeah.

I had a pleasant Mother's Day. My mommy rules. Last night we went out to eat, and today we went to church and then lunch at Z-Tejas. Z-Tejas, you might remember, is the site of my very interesting night of drunken debauchery after my graduation. Except that was in Dallas, and today we were in Austin. That's not very interesting, and I apologize.

I parked at my mom and step dad's hotel and they drove me to church, and when we came back to my car about 4 1/2 hours later, it was revealed that I owed $17.00 for parking there! What crap, I tell you!

Now I'm going to talk about Matt.

This morning, for some reason I really felt it was necessary to send him an email with link to 2 of the pictures we took yesterday. Once again, he said I was hot and that he was proud, but that's it. Of course I wanted him to say "Wow, you're so beautiful that I just have to come up there and let you take my virginity right away," but hark, it didn't go down that way. I don't know why I do this to myself.

Later, after I took a really sad nap (naps to me are sad these days, I don't know why. Naps make me miss Matt more than anything, and that sort of defeats the purpose of taking one. I'm a dork, I recognize this fact) I decided to look at his webpage. He has updated it, and while there's no "Congratulate me because me and my girlfriend are getting married tomorrow," there was a little dig in there, I think. He found some kind of thing that lets him put his pictures in thumbnail form, so when I went to look at a few of our trips, he had written ." I do warn you, this part of my webpage is the most outdated of any part of my webpage. The pictures on this page are 3-5 years old. I do have more, and I will slowly be integrating them into the website."

Doesn't that just sound like "This part of my life that included Elizabeth is WAY over, just so we're all clear on that, and soon I will have pictures of my Barbie girlfriend because Elizabeth doesn't matter anymore." ?

I'm being way too hard on myself. I feel like I should be able to avoid looking at his webpage, I should avoid seeing if he's idle on my buddy list, I shouldn't send him emails bragging about my weight loss, etc. But in the long run, I guess it's not that big of a deal. I did go without looking at his webpage for a whole 3 days, after all. And I did manage not to talk to him for 2 days. That's impressive, right?

I just want to be able to go weeks without talking to him, because it seems like that's what he's prepared to do. But I have to give myself time. I think I'm moving right along.. I haven't had a breakdown in 3 weeks, I haven't messaged him and annoyed him about why we aren't together in a while.. I think that's good. The last time I had a breakdown he was all like, "You are pressuring me to do something I don't want to do, and that's just pushing me away." Well, I'm not doing that anymore.

I don't know what my point is. I just need some Motrin and a good dose of a new Six Feet Under.