baby maybe someday
August 07, 2004 Look! It's Axl! Again.

Hey fuckers! Did you REALLY think that Axl was gone forever? I can't ever go too long without representin with the Axl love.

Let's all thank the Molz for her lovely layout skillz. Isn't it purty?

Read my last entry, I'm really proud of it.

So, have you guys ever been in this situation where you see someone that you've been seeing on a regular basis for oh, the past 5 or 6 years, and everything is normal for that person and then, why shouldn't it be? But meanwhile your feelings have changed for that person, and while you're sitting there and having the same conversations you'd always have with this person, you're thinking of clever things to say and trying to look some kind of sexy thinking about how your feelings have changed? And how it's weird because this person absolutely has no idea that you would ever in your life feel that way about them because why would you? Why would you have such outrageously retarded feelings for someone who will really only complicate your life in the long run because of oh, about 400 reasons, not the least of which is the fact that he has three kids, is 15 years older, and works for your dad?

Have you ever had that situation before?

Anyway. I have surrendered to this crush because I know that like everything else, this one will fade soon enough. I'm probably about 99% sure about that. The other 1% admits that I've always had a little crush on this person, and that I really dig the whole rugged, pick-up truck driving, SO SO country persona that this dude stands for, because you know, Texas and such. That 1% thinks that this crush might last a little longer than I might like it to. That 1% is already plotting ways to get his attention, and that is SO wrong on SO many levels that it's just not funny.

Today, at my stepbrother's birthday party, this guy (we'll call him Farm Guy, because I don't know.. I don't like using people's real names lately. Paranoia and such.) attacked me with frozen cheese and said that before he was shaved, my Charlie looked like a "queer dog". And we had our usual conversations and it was weird, because I have different feelings and yet his are the same. He introduces me to people as "the bossman's daughter", which just pretty much sums up the situation.

I will stop talking about that now. It's just something on my mind, and it's just another one of my pointless crushes that won't end well.

The party was really kinda fun. The weather was totally amazing for the middle of August, which is usually the absolute hottest point of the year. It was slightly cloudy and it never got above 90 degrees, and there was this little breeze, and it was just really nice. We went on a hayride! My dad has this really old civil-war era cemetery on the property, so that's always a big draw. I don't really walking inside it, though.. it seems a little creepy to me.

My dad and I had what I considered to be a nice bonding moment.. we took one of the golf-cart type things out to the dumpster to drop off the trash, and while we were out there we saw the new baby horse (Nellie Nore) with her mommy (Poetic Angel) and they were all cute and horsie-like. Then my dad drove over to the garden and we shared this weird fruit type of thing, apparently called a Texas Fig. And it was really quiet and the wind was whisking through and the sun was out and it just seemed like one of those truly nice and serene moments that I happen to dig muchly.

Another awesome part of this party was the fact that I actually networked for the very first time in my life. One of our family friends asked me what kind of job I was looking for, and I told her anything that has to do with journalism, since that's what I majored in. And she said that she has to hire a technical writer in the future, and needless to say.. she now has a copy of my resume (since I have like 20 copies in my car) and she said she'll be talking to her boss. That excites me in the pants. I don't really have that kind of experience, but I'm cheap and I learn fast. So maybe that might work out. Maybe not, but you know.

I also got some really good Charlie (puppy doggy) time in. When I went inside to go to the bathroom, he followed me and sat outside the door until I was finished, just like he used to do when he was a puppy. It's hard to believe he's about to turn 5. He's my baby.

And this chick who looked about 30 years old asked me how old I was. I should have said 18 and she would have never known the difference and I wouldn't have felt genetically inferior to her because I don't look anywhere near 24 and I wouldn't have had to hear her say "Oh really? I'm 22." Because she looked 30, is what I'm saying. Fuckers.

Oh, and you guys would have been proud of me! Matt actually invited me to go on a little road trip to Oklahoma this weekend, but I passed it up so I could go to this party. In the old days, I would NEVER have done that.. it was all about spending copious amounts of time with Matt, all the time, whenever I could. So I was really proud of myself for that.

On my way home tonight I almost missed my exit because Rocket Queen was on the radio.

I also gave serious thought to driving to the Smirnoff Center and going to the Evanescense concert. They were playing at Edgefest tonight, and it I was really considering going because the dude on the radio said they were going to play in 15 minutes, and I drove right past the place practically on the way back from the farm. But when it comes down to it, I'm just not that spontaneous.

Right now I am totally addicted to this game. Love it. Go try it.

Also, I love Mozilla. It's about 400% better than IE.

My layout rocks and yours doesn't.


a year ago..

"Something has to change. Something desperately, crazily, insanely has to change."

2 years ago..

"I think I'm in another one of my Friends phases. I go through times where I watch 2 reruns a day, obsess over what's going on, and yeah, it's good times. I just bought 2 tapes of the Best of Friends and it's just strange times in the land of Friends obsessions. I think I just have an unhealthy fascination with Jennifer Aniston."

3 years ago...

"I am having bathroom issues today. I won't expand upon this thought, because it's not really a pretty picture."

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004