baby maybe someday
August 09, 2004 It's just another maniac Monday.

*Edited to add more crap.

I look like shit today. I think it's important to recognize this fact. I hit the snooze button a little too much too actually get out of bed and do a decent job of getting ready for work. It's Monday.

You know, sometimes I'm so focused on the Big Two (Weight, Job) that I forget to realize some of the other important things in my life. Like, the fact that I haven't had a good bout of depression for more than a month. The last time I remember having a "Woe is me, I suck big donkey balls!" kind of day was the weekend before I went to Vegas, and that was almost a month and a half ago. That, my friends, is a good thing.

And yesterday when I was at my dad's, there were these beautiful orange roses on the kitchen table, and I told Donna, "These are beautiful!" She said a few minutes later that she thinks I am starting to notice more beautiful things lately, and it's like I've come out of some kind of slump or something. The comment made me feel really good about life there for a while, but still.. while I appreciate the sentiment, I KNOW I still have SO MANY issues to attend to, and until I get them solved, I will not feel like I've come out of my slump. She hasn't seen my sudden renewed interest in distributing my dinner in the toilet after eating it. She hasn't seen how I haven't seen the floor in my room for 3 weeks and have no desire nor motivation to clean it anytime soon. She didn't see me hauling off to the porn store the second I left her house last night. Bad habits, yes. I have them.

But that's okay. At least I've managed to keep the weasel of depression at bay for a while. I think my obsessions have helped me keep a positive outlook, and while that's really sad, at least I have something.

I'm still really positive about the future, especially now that October is only 2 months away. No matter what happens before now and then, I know that October will bring something life-changing my way. It always has, and I know this month will be no exception.

Anyway, yay for no depression, is what I'm trying to say.

Speaking of porn, MAN ALIVE! There was one of the hottest sex scenes ever on Six Feet Under last night, the one between Claire and her girly friend.

My CSI obsession is almost completely over now. I expect it to pick up again when the season 4 DVD comes out next month and when the new season premieres. I'm a dork, and I'm okay with that.

The word of the day is FUCK.

And now here's our favorite Monday morning staple, PICTURES OF FUN! WOOHOO!

These are from my stepbrother's birthday party on Saturday.

This first one is my absolute favorite current picture of me.. I still look bloated, but at least I'm smiling. I'm with my future stepbrother and stepmother and one of the friggin ponies my dad rented for the party. I never got a pony! Damn spoiled 5-year-olds!

A similar picture, with a good shot of our farmy house in the background:

Check out the fun 4-wheeler cake for my stepbrother, and then check out me at the end of the table getting attacked by a large golden retreiver puppy:

Let us all watch me (at the end of the table) eat cake:

The obligatory puppy picture:

I heart Alf the puppy.

In other news, my horoscope yesterday said something to the effect of "We all know you're an effective communicator, but you don't have to talk about EVERYTHING." Which really applies to me. So much so that I cut it out and put it on my wall. So I will neglect to tell you about the FOURTH night of continuous Farm Guy dreams and how it would never work out and how annoying it is to think of him in that way. Let's briefly go over the statistics again: 15 years older. 3 kids. I am the "bossman's daughter". Yeah. I've just always felt really comfortable around him, and totally NOT socially retarded, and that's a nice feeling.

But I am getting a bit of grief here at work for not abiding by my horoscope and releasing WAY too much information about the subject. They're making me giggle, though.

There is someting to be said for being totally comfortable with everyone in this office.. I just wish what I was doing was relevant to journalism somehow. But now I am WAY off topic and plus, I'm hungry.

This is from my entry 3 years ago. I just thought it might do a good job explaining the Axl thing to new readers:

"I've asked myself a few times, over the course of the last 8 years or so, if I still like Axl, or am I just continuing to like him out of rebellion. I have come to the conclusion, after listening to Use Your Illusion 1 about 5,000 times, and after looking at these pictures, and hearing people talk about them on MTV and VH1 specials about different things, that I still like him. Maybe not as obsessively as I once did, but still pretty damn much. I know he's not the model citizen, and I know he's strangely elusive, and I know the whole band left him here by his lonesome, I know alot of things but they don't change the fact that he's fucking gorgeous. If I could see him in concert just once, I would die a happy woman."

Let us all remember that I have, in fact, seen him in concert. Let us rejoice.

I'm out. It's Monday.


a year ago..

"I felt bad, but I don't care. I'm not a camper. Some people are campers, some people are a lot more hardcore than me, but yeah. I'm not. Let's just deal with that and move on."

2 years ago..

"Let's just go ahead and say the word, shall we? Bulemia. I am turning into some lame movie of the week starring Meredith Baxter Burney. I am turning into someone I would see on TV in the past and say to myself, "That's horrible.. why would they want to do that to themselves? Why would they eat so much and then want to throw it up?" I know now. Because you get obsessed, and when you reach a certain point, you'll just about do anything to not gain another pound.

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004