As you have probably guessed, that time in my life is now. I've been thinking that I was going to go on hiatus definitely when I moved back to Dallas because I had things to do there and I didn't want this to be a distraction. But I think the time is now. Soon, in about 5 days, I'm going to participate in Christmas activities. Then, I'm going on a road trip that might just determine the future of me and Matt's relationship. So that's like.. 2 weeks of not updating anymore.

But thats not the point, of course. I just don't feel like writing here anymore. I have come back to that which is a paper diary. It's almost liberating to write whatever I'm feeling in that diary without having to wonder if I'm being too boring or if I'm going to get bombarded with the opinions of thousands of people.

Don't get me wrong. Over the years, I have appreciated and loved all the advice and the love and the strength that you guys have given me. But I have to make decisions by myself. I have to find real life friends who know me inside and out, who don't just see words on a computer monitor.

So, thank you for being here for me. When I first started this thing in June of 2001, I was 21 years old. I was a junior in college, about to be a senior. Matt and I had just lived through him almost dumping me for Her. I had no idea what it was like to look for a job. I had no idea what it was like to have to do things on my own. I had no idea what it was like to live without a support system like Matt always behind every decision I made.

Now, we fast forward to the present. I'm 24 years old. I've lived "on my own" for the past year. I had to live without Matt for a long time, and if our conversation on Monday was any indication, I'll still have to live without him, but not in the same way as the first 8 months of our break up. He'll still be there. Just not the way I want, or crave. But that's probably good. I need to experience life. I need to date, I need to figure out what I've been missing since I was 17 years old.

I am so glad I had this experience in Austin. I had many difficulties, but when it's all said and done, I did what I've always wanted to do: I moved to my dream city, made friends, bonded with my brother.. it was good.

Wow, this is a long-winded pile of crap, isn't it? Basically, what I wanted to say here was... I've been on D-land for 2.5 years now. I made some friends. I even met someone from here, but he didn't seem to be too impressed. I've shared my life with you guys, and you guys have shared your life with me. I've been dumped, I graduated from college, I moved to my dream city, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster with a boy that I love, I've lost weight, I've gained weight, I had a brief foray into the world of eating disorders. I've been in a car accident, I made friends, I lost friends, I made crappy grades, I recapped the VMA's - twice.

I had some jobs, including: research dummy, newspaper reporter, Jason's Deli's bitch, a crappy secretary, customer service for a stupid car company, and burrito maker extroadinaire. I've also written two novels, been on a couple road trips, saw my hero and idol and object of my love for 12 years in the most incredible concert of all time, and stuff.

I've done a lot of stuff. I'm not particularly proud of myself for the lack of progress I have seemingly made in the past 2.5 years, but what can you do? You can just hope and pray that you have the strength to turn it around. And I will. Someday.

I will write in here if I have something important to say, so I'm not totally abandoning this place. I'll probably write once or twice when I first get to Dallas, maybe I'll write about the road trip, who knows. I'll be around. I'll still do reviews because it's a nice diversion and waste of time.

It was fun. Thank you everyone who had so much faith in me over the years. Rock on.

This was the longest "goodbye" entry of all time. I am proud.

"I know these aren't exactly deep thoughts, but I have to get used to this online "let everyone in the whole world see your thoughts" journal kinda thing."