I got called into a little room with the Head People and was told that they will be bringing my stuff up to the room and there was no need to go back to my desk to collect it. I was told that they didn't think I was ever going to improve and they've given me way too many chances already.

I know what its like to look for a job. I know what its like to be depressed, to have nowhere to be during the day, to look desperately for something to fulfill you.

On the other hand, I know I was bad at this job. I thought I might have been improving. At least this morning my first call was a good one.. they actually asked to speak to my supervisor not to complain about me, but to brag. But that's not enough. And really, I knew that. Everyone knew that. And I couldn't stand the dissapointment that everyone saw in me. I saw it every single day.

Maybe I'm just retarded. I got fired from my last job too, as we all know. Maybe I just can't handle having a job. Maybe I'm just too stupid to do anything right. Maybe I'm just incapable of showing up to work every day and maintaining an appropriate environment. Maybe I just suck that much.

In a lot of ways, I'm happy about this. It wasn't the right job for me. I wasn't looking forward to another 6 months of all this bullshit with all these crazy customers. All the red tape, all the crazy crazy stuff.

But I had friends there. They accepted me. They asked me to eat lunch with them. They liked me. I don't think I'll ever hear from any one of them again.

And I had a pay check. I was making $11 an hour, for fuck's sake. Where else am I going to make that kind of money?

My dad was so happy about this job.. he was about to buy me a new car and all kinds of bullshit. Now he has to deal with his daughter being a total fuck up. I have to tell him at some point.. Donna is going to know anyway, she's my number 1 reference.

I just don't get karma.. I was supposed to move today. I was supposed to go back to Dallas today. A few months ago, that was all I wanted to do. But I was excited about staying here and seeing what kind of life I could make for myself. I don't get it.. instead of moving, I get fired. What is that supposed to mean? Is it supposed to mean I should have stuck with my original plans?

At least I wasn't like the one gentlemen who got fired this morning and had to be escorted out by security. He actually screamed "THIS PLACE SUCKS!" As he was being walked out of the building. It was a little bit of excitement for a Friday morning.

Well, anyway. That was my Friday. I have 45 open files at work that someone else is going to have to take over. That almost makes me smile.

I called Matt as I walked back to my car, and he was so nice, saying that I could come see him earlier than planned, and that if I wanted to, I could stay a few days later than we had planned as well. I'm so glad I have him. If I didn't have him right now, it would just be bad. At least I have that going for me.

I don't know. I just really don't know what to do. It sucks to be me right now, let me tell ya.