I know I said I was going to avoid the computer all weekend, but I lied. It wouldn't be the first time. I'm almost like the Jon Lovitz character on SNL, the compulsive liar. But what can you do sometimes.

Matt did call me back last night, and he responded to the emails I sent him (2 of them, one of them was all "woe is me" and the other one was what he told me to write.. a plan on getting it together and stuff.). I think we're okay at the moment. There's still no girlfriend news as of last night, but that could have changed in the past 24 hours, who knows. I might see him while I'm here.. I know I'm not supposed to, but he believes in me. He's my best friend.. even if he doesn't really act like it sometimes.

I'm in Denton, and it's surprising how glad I am to be here. For 3 1/2 years I couldn't stand this stupid little town, but all its familiar sites and memories and other stuff is nice to see. I can't wait to move back to Dallas.. it's my home, it's where I want to be. Today I went with my mom and step dad to eat chinese and then to the Arboretum. Flowers don't really get my panties wet, but it was okay. Yay flowers.

I'm better with the job thing. I didn't really like it much, anyway. As Matt said, I was just burning up my day by sitting in that chair, waiting for somebody to give me something to do. My boss didn't really like me, I felt like I was stupid all day, and it just wasn't the right job for me. Today, I got to wake up at 8:00 and it felt like a luxury. And you know, temp jobs end. They don't have to give you any warning, they just end. And that's fine. I have just enough money to pay my rent next month, and then I'll be screwed. So it's good times.

I'm going to go order pizza and watch the war now. Have a good night, Dland Minions. It's going to be all good.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"I have been eating so very much lately. I don't know what's gotten into me! (Well, besides food.) I mean.. McDonalds, Sonic, Taco Cabana.. they better watch out, because I'm coming! I don't understand why I feel so compelled to put all this food in my diary. Obviously I have an eating disorder, but I don't know how to stop it. Every day, it's "Tomorrow will be better. Soon I will be thin and beautiful and everything will be fine." No. Everything will not be fine.

BB is okay with my weight. He says I'm beautiful and I believe him when he says it. But I don't feel it. I want to wear a bikini when we go to Cancun this summer (if I get to go.. he's taking his friend that convinced him to enter the contest, not me! So I have to convince my dad to let me use his free airplane miles if I want to go.) but I haven't worn a bikini since I was 5 years old. I want to look good for the wedding that BB and I are going to in May. He's wearing a tux! The whole 4 1/2 years we've been dating, he's never worn a friggin tux! Goodness! So I want to look good too.

I just want to lose weight! Is that too much to ask!"