I admit to slacking on the job search for the first couple of weeks here. I think I only officially applied to like.. 2 jobs in the first month I was here, and that was because I was so enjoying the "sitting on my ass and doing basically nothing but surf the internet all day" status so much that I didn't want another job. But now I spend at least an hour and a half everyday looking for jobs. But I still have only had one interview this month.

My point is.. I know my dad's not going to just fire me without giving me some kind of notice. But I know that I serve absolutely no purpose here. We are soooo dead right now.. the phone barely rings anymore, and they don't give me anything to do, and I really feel like my days are numbered, and I dread the day I have to start getting up in the morning and starting that whole fucking "Nothing to do but look for jobs all day" thing again. But I know my dad and the property manager chick/my boss is getting impatient, and I don't really know how to prove myself here.

I'm nervous. And I REALLY want that job I interviewed for on Friday. The thing is, I don't really do very well for positions where others are being interviewed and there's only one position open. Because of the whole "NO EXPERIENCE" thing.

I could just kill my former college self, I really could. I just assumed since I didnt "need" the money in college, I didn't need a job. And now I'm paying for that huge mistake every day of my life.

But I'm not bitter.

Anyway, so, my weekend. It was good. On Friday I spent lots of good bonding time with Matt. We had Fuddruckers, which I haven't had in years and OMG it tasted like sex. It was sooooo good. Yummy, that's what I say. We also watched 4 Practices via Tivo, and damn, that's an awesome show. James Spader is greatness.

We haven't had a night like that in quite a long time, and it was really nice. We giggled and snuggled and made out and it was just in general a good time.

On Saturday I worked out and then decided to be lazy the rest of the day. I eventually got up and went to my mom's, after buying a crapload of make-up at Bobbi Brown and then at Albertsons.

I love going to my mom's because she expresses such an interest in everything I do. We sat on the bed and looked at my make-up and went through my purse and talked and all that kind of stuff. On Sunday, we spent copious amounts of cuddle time with her horse.

Before my mom got this horse, I didn't know it was possible for someone to cuddle with a 1000 pound animal. But horses are affectionate! They are cute and cuddly and they love their people. I met a new horse, Maizie, and she rocked. She followed me around and tried to bite my shoe and gave me nudges and stuff like that. I really am starting to dig the horsie. Don't most girls go through that phase when they're ten?

I met a new doggie, too. His name is Duke. And we all know I'm a fan of the dog, but this one just annoyed me. I like how dogs are relatively easy to befriend and I know I have a way with them and such, but this one was just all over me the second he met me like I was his owner and best friend. And then his dog-weenie came out from his sheer excitement, and I was like, "Damn dude! Put that away!" I like dogs, but I don't LIKE dogs.

I just thought I'd share that.

Oh! And on Friday night I saw Envy. Well, part of it. It was so horrible that I left in the middle. First of all, it was depressing. Depressing in the way About Schmidt was, in that way that you see what your life can be when you're older and it doesn't look very exciting. And second, it just sucked. And Ben Stiller killed a horse. Bad.

So yeah. I had a decent weekend. All the animals I came in contact with seemed to be communicating with me. I am the horse whisperer, people. That is me. I am a friend to the animals.

*****

a year ago...

"I seem to have good instincts about these things. I expect something big to happen, like.. he comes here or I come there or he announces that they're engaged or just.. something. Things can't keep going on like this, where we talk every couple of days, and then we have a nice conversation about nothing, and then I realize that he couldn't care less about talking to me and then we go another couple of days without talking because I'm restoring my pride."

2 years ago...

"I have totally missed what college is about, and I only have 6 months left of it. But I keep telling myself that I shouldn't look at it that way. We all spend college in different ways, and whatever way we choose isn't wrong, it's just different. I have always done things a little differently, I shouldn't expect things to change now, or any other time."

and...

"I'm trying to plan our wedding right now, even though we aren't even engaged or anything. I mentioned Oct. 3, 2003 as a good date to get married, because that would be our 6 year anniversary! But.. oh no.. it's on a Friday, which means it would conflict with high school football, and no, we can't have that. Maybe we could get married on Labor Day because that's when we first met in person. Ahhh, online love."