And then they bought the Bourne Identity at Best Buy and we watched that while we had dinner. This is seriously a very different kind of occasion in the land of parental relationships. Seeing TWO movies in one day and NOT having any crazy stupid fights? A breakthrough!

So, that was good.

****

And now, on a total and complete tangent, I want to talk about celebrities now. It's just something I've been thinking about for some reason.

Like, what it's like to be a celebrity. For the most part, I'm sure it's awesome to be catered to, to have enough money to buy virtually anything you'd ever want, to have people look up to you, to be able to make a difference that you might not have been able to make if you didn't have some kind of notoreity.

But, think about the price they have to pay for that.. the CONSTANT recognition. In this aspect, I think it might really suck to be a celebrity.

Let's take Tom Hanks, for instance. He's been in TV shows and movies for 20+ years now, and I would say that he might have one of the most recognizable faces ever. So when he goes outside, everyone knows who he is, and everyone wants to be a part of him, and everyone probably wants to take a part of him.

I mean, for us, when we see a celebrity, it's a major event! We have to talk to them, to get an autograph, to tell everyone we know that we had an encounter with someone we saw on the Big Screen. If it's someone we really admire, maybe it's an event that we'll always remember and hold close to our hearts. But for them, it's something that happens to them several times a day. I just really think it would suck to have to stop what you're doing to sign autographs every 5 seconds when all you really want to do is spend some quality time either alone or with your family!

So what I'm trying to say is that they lose a part of themselves to their public, and that's a price they have to pay to be famous, and I'm not really sure if I would want to pay that price! Like, say I finally learned how to play guitar, and then replace Dave Kushner in Velvet Revolver when he gets fed up with nobody actually caring who he is. Then I'm this guitarist for this world famous band, and then my star rises, and then people want to know me and shake my hand and get my autograph, and now I'm not allowed to just hang out at the bookstore and read magazines all night anymore. I have to stay home and get all the magazines delivered to me by all my yes-men!

Which kinda sounds cool, but I digress.

Wow, this all sounded a lot more interesting in my head.

And also, for me, I'd like to think that I respect the privacy of public figures and if I happened to see one (and I never really have been in the position where I saw a celebrity in a situation where I could get an autograph) I wouldn't bother them.

I can say right here that even if I saw Axl Rose at the mall in Dallas (yeah, that's going to happen), I wouldn't know if I'd be physically able to go up and talk to him. I mean, what would I even be able to say to him that would sum up the feelings I've had for him and his music in the last 12 years? If I didn't have hours and hours to talk to him, I'd never be able to truly communicate that with him, so what would be the point? If I went up to him and said "Hey! I love you ssooooo much, I'm your biggest fan, I saw in you in Vegas, I never gave up on you!"... I'm sure he hears that kind of thing all the time, so what impact would me saying that have on him at all? MAYBE I'd be able to get an autograph, but to him, I'd just be another little girl trying to get a piece of him, when really I'm a great admirer of his work and someone who's had a great love for him for many years, but how would he really know that when all he's doing is writing his name on a piece of paper?

Does ANYONE understand what the fuck I'm talking about? It really made much more sense in my head.

****

Last night I had this weird dream about Josh. But it was different, because although we were going to get together and get our freak on, just before the action started, I stopped it and made him go home. I feel like that's a good dream. Like maybe my subconscious is telling me that I'm finally over that whole yucky situation. And that is good.

****

Today we are having the kind of rain storm that makes me just really excited and happy. It's the kind of storm you really only see in the fall, where it's maybe 65 degrees and constant rain. If I had a boy here, I'd be all kinds of trying to be all seductive and shiznit. But, alas, it's just me and Billy Petersen on my CSI DVD's, and that will just have to do right now.

*****

a year ago...

"So on the surface, things seem really great, actually. I have a stable job, I have some money, my dad is about to get me a new car to replace my piece of shit Rav-4, my man is giving me shout outs on his radio show, I'm finally making a name for myself in Austin, but there's still the issues on the inside that I'm badly neglecting. Why did I have pizza today? Why did I have Butterfinger today? Why am I making major plans for spending all my money this weekend when I can save it for when I really need it?"

2 years..

"I have the words "Prehensile tail" stuck in my head right now."

Three years..

"I am listening to a live Guns N Roses CD, and Axl said, "Come on, you know what I like!" Oh yeah baby, I know what you like, come to mama."