I don't know if this anger is healthy of if it will result in me purchasing a gun and climbing on top of the infamous UT tower, but I think I have it under control. It's my anger, and as dorky as it sounds, I'm owning it.

Why am I so angry? I'm angry at Matt, obviously. I'm angry that I stuck by him when he was nothing. When he didn't have a nice house, a nice car, a bunch of good jobs, and good hair. For fuck's sake, when I met him, he had a mullet and weighed almost 450 pounds! But I loved him. And devoted myself to him. And now he loves someone else. A skinny, plain, blond preacher's daughter that is more intelligent that like everyone in the world.

And I understand it somewhat. They're both smart, she apparently is more liked among his friends, more social.. she is probably self-sufficient, mature.

What makes me angry is that he committed to her so quickly after we broke up. GOD, that makes me so FUCKING mad. I mean.. 5 years together, and he only committed to me for 4 months total. And then once he met her, his loyalty was gone.

That makes me so angry. I hate her for who she is. I hate her for what she represents, and most of all I hate him for loving her. I know these are all selfish and stupid reasons and for fuck's sake it's been almost 8 months, but shit.. it just makes me so fucking angry sometimes.

It even makes me angry that I have to take this online defensive driving class because of him. Okay, he didn't make me run that red light last year when we went to College Station. But he was the one responsible for getting us lost and subsequently making me confused and therefore running the red light!

I know I need to get over this, and I think I will. I think thinking about it so much will help me get used to it, eventually accept it, and then somehow get over it. At least that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

At least this driving class has Rue Mclanahan as one of the people in it! Now that's cool.

Okay, I am FREAKING OUT about money right now. Like, seriously.

So supposedly on Friday we're only getting paid for the first 2 weeks, with one of those days missing cuz it was Memorial Day. So that's $720. How much taxes are they going to take out of that shiznit? I thought it was only going to be like $30 or something, but everyone is telling me it's closer to $200! What the fuck is that? Do I have a "bend me over and fuck me up the ass" sign on my head?

So anyway. I have to pay my bills and because I'm a dumbass, I have to pay for my rent plus $100 because I suck and I didn't pay rent on time. So, let's see. Then there's defensive driving, and the cost of my red light ticket, which is $157. I am broke. I mean, seriously. I will be broke until I get the check that's coming in July, because I have to pay rent with the second one that's coming this month.

I suck. And this money thing is driving me carazzzy. $200 for taxes out of a $720 check? That just doesn't seem fair. How can one live on just $510 alone?

*sigh* The real world sucks. I liked it better when I was going to school and didn't have to work. That was nice!