What I'd like to address tonight is food. I wish you guys could have seen me tonight. I wish I could have taken a picture of the thought process going on inside my mind when I was driving around thinking about what I should have for dinner tonight.

I had popcorn at the movies, and that was around 5:15, and I haven't eaten since, and I'm starving, but I'm going to bed in an hour or two and I didn't want to gorge myself on food right before I went to bed. But, I tried making excuses.. "My body wants something to eat, it'll think that I'm starving it and it'll just make me fatter, so technically I need food."

Yeah.

It's such a struggle, seriously. I could just eat the apple I have in my refrigerator and be done with it, but instead I obsess over tortillas and guacamole at Taco Cabana. The only reason I'm not eating the Fajita Taco Combo right now is because there was 3 people ahead of me in the drive-thru and I have no patience.

Food is totally an addiction to me. I think about it when I'm not eating it, and I'm not satisfied when I do eat it because inevitably I didn't eat something good and healthy because sometimes it just seems like I'm incapable of doing so.

My mom doesn't understand how I can be overweight.. she says "Whenever I'm with you, you NEVER eat that much!" Key words being "with you"... that's because, when I leave her house, I go to Taco Bueno and get the Muchacho and the Mexi Dips and Chips. I'm very good at eating secretly. It's a habit I've cultivated well over the years.

I'm so tired of it. I want to eat like a normal person and not obsess over food. Is that possible? Maybe not. It's just like there's one of those angel things and demon things sitting on my shoulder, duking it out to see who wins over my food situation. Tonight, the angel did, but just barely. And I'm still starving. But I'm thinking about tomorrow.. my brother and I are going to lunch and Joey and I are going to dinner, so that's probably going to be a lot of food there. Eye on the prize, yo. Eye on the prize.

So anyway. The face waxing experience. That was something, let me tell ya.

I am terrified when I go there. I have made up my mind that it's going to look terrible and that my face is going to be like 3 different colors when the guy gets done with it. But after like 10 minutes of him doing pretty much my whole face, and even my chin and throat and stuff, it looks really good. Like, I can put my hair in a ponytail now without everyone wondering why the guy with the beard has such huge boobs.

Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but the facial hair was getting a little creepy there. But now it's gone. It was worth the exorbinant amount of money I paid for the damn thing. And I feel really bad for the guy because I kept asking him questions like, "Is it going to look weird?!" And "Do a lot of people get this done?!" Apparently a lot of people do get it done. Or he was lying. Either way, he made me feel better about it.

And it didn't hurt so bad. I've been getting my brows done for almost 10 years, so I'm used to pain. It was the 30 minutes after the waxing that was weird.. it felt like someone had slapped my face really hard. Yeah. Fun.

I saw Under the Tuscan Sun today. I liked it. I am intriuged by Diane Lane. I think she's quite fantastic, really. And this was a really good movie. Very pretty. And such.

I miss Matt. Bah. That's not a fun subject for me right now. I miss when he actually gave a shit about me. That was a good time.

In the past few days I:

1. Heard the greatest trifecta of classic rock songs on the radio in the whole history of the world. First, it was Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. Then, Dream on by Aerosmith. Then, Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones. All interrupted with no commercials in between. Wow.. that was greatness.

2. Saw a Native American dude with braids wearing a t-shirt in which there was a Native American dude with braids. This guy was on the elliptical trainer at the gym.

3. Heard a mother tell her kid, "You better come back here, do you want them to come take you away?" I wasn't sure about the whole context of that conversation, but it made me wonder.

I'm out like a fat kid in church.