1. Pig hunting is fun, even when they are no pigs to hunt.

2. I will never, EVER get tired of the smell of cream chicken cooking in the kitchen. Oh holy lord, that is good stuff.

3. Being 24 rocks!

4. Strippers really like to spank, and be spanked.

5. Strippers REALLY like it when girls come up to them to insert money in g-string.

6. Seeing one of your oldest friends getting a lapdance = surreal!

7. Being productively angry is really just code for being sexually frustrated.

8. OU rocks, Texas sucks.

9. The Texas Lottery loves me! (Thank you, $50 winning scratch off ticket)

10. There is something very, very wrong about Quentin Tarantino. Yet, it is oh so right.

Okay then. I guess I shall explain now.

Today I am 24 years old. I celebrated this fact last night by going out with Scott, friend extroadinaire. We saw Kill Bill, which was extremely bloody and quite disturbing yet funny and brilliant and wonderful and oh so Tarantino-like. There was clapping at the end of the movie, as well as some groans about the fact that it ended practically in mid-sentence and we have to wait for the rest of it until freakin February. That's a long time. Now I know how LOTR fans feel.

After that, we discussed where to go next. I wanted to go to the strip club because I've never been, and it just seemed appropriate at the time. I thought Scott wouldn't be into it, but he agreed quite whole heartedly. After all, he is a perv. Pervs unite!

We went to a lovely establishment called Silver City. It took us a while to find it, but there it was - glistening with boobs and chicks in thongs. We were joined by a large crowed of Oklahomer Sooners fans. They are fans of the porn, I have found to be the case.

Anyway. I have never been to a strip club, and I was whole heartedly amazed at what was going on in this establishment. I thought the strippers had to stand at a distance and not get too close. I thought we couldn't touch them and they couldn't touch us, much like the zoo or something. But, my friends, that is clearly not the case.

There was some mighty touching going on. Sure, it was subtle, but there was touching. And the strippers seemed to be friends with everyone in the place.. they'd come over and talk and sit on laps and smoke and drink with the customers.. it was amazing to me. Scott got a lap dance at one point and the chick (her name was Amber, she was in school for dental hygenist things.. we learned a lot about her while she sat on Scott's lap and waited for the next song to start) was grinding her ass on his manly parts.. not only that, but she kinda nuzzled his man parts with her head, and she was kinda giving him fun times with her foot! It was like.. crazy erotic. When she was finished (the song she was having this fun time with was Seven Nation Army, just so we all know), Scott turned to me and with the biggest grin ever on his face, said "I have the biggest boner of my entire life right now."

So, that was nice to know.

Now, my fun time consisted of going up to a girl with the intention of merely placing a dollar in her g-string. But apparently Scott told her it was my birthday or something, cuz dizamn, I got a whole show.

I guess strippers like it when females get in to the mix, because she went a bit nuts. This girl was crazy insane. She like.. unbuttoned my shirt and then lifted the little black shirt I had on under it and THEN totally unsheaved the boobage and did things to them that people don't usually do to me in public places. There was tongue action, people.

And after, Scott said "Every guy in this place wishes he were you right now." And normally, I do enjoy the occasional liason with chicks in general. But truth be told, I really didn't enjoy it that much. It was embarrasing, really. My boobs were out in plain view to at least 20 people. What worried me the most was that Scott was getting a nice view of the boobs, and I really don't think we've gotten to that point in our friendship where I'd really be comfortable with that. But he says he didn't see that because he was sitting a little too far away. I also felt yucky and fat compared to this chick, and I truly felt like a big honkin lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that. As we all know, Matt has always said that he thinks I'm 99% lesbian.

I think that might be the last time in my life that a stripper whispers in my ear, "Do you like to be spanked?"

I mean, yeah. It was exciting to be totally molested by a stripper within 30 minutes of turning 24 years old. But it was still a bit shocking for little old me. I will never feel the same way about the song "California Love" again.

All in all, the strip club thing was a true sensory experience. There was one lap dance I witnessed that I couldn't take my eyes off of. It was totally amazing. The girl was so into it, and she was looking in his eyes, and it was crazy hot. Scott refused to leave until 2:15 in the morning, even though we were 45 minutes from my car and then another 45 minutes away from home. He held me hostage at the strip club! Help!

I was horny when I left. I'm sorry, people. I'm only human. 4 hours worth of boobies in one's face can do that to a girl.

I had every intention of just going home and going to bed, but here's the deal. The movie theater is about 3 minutes from Matt's house. I was mad at him. I wanted to never talk to him again. I was PISSED. I was going to stay calm and just drive away from the theater, peacefully and carefully. But I was also horny and 3 minutes away from him. So what evolved from this situation is a good oldfashioned LNBC. That's right: the Late Night Booty Call.

And man.. we GOT IT ON. It was some hair pulling, back scratching, dirty talking plain old nookie session. Damn, it was good. It still turns me on a little talking about it now. All that anger I had built up inside was apparently just sexual frustration, because after that, I was perfectly fine and no longer angry whatsoever. I even got to leave his house with a new DVD player, so I think I win.

There's more, but this is crazy long, so I'll finish up tomorrow.

One thing I want to say is that I am feeling very lucky to be me right now. It was a very successful weekend.. I got to see my dad and Donna and my uncle and fake aunt and all the puppy dogs at my dad's farm, and then I got to see my mom and have homemade cake and stuff with her, and I got to see her horsie Comanche Moon today, and I got to see Scott and get some awesome nookie from Matt and I just got back from seeing Natalie. I felt like I had a social life this weekend. Matt said he thought I was going to get online around midnight so I could see if anyone wanted to wish me a happy birthday or something stupid like that. He said, "I underestimated the fact that you might actually have a life." Which doesn't actually sound like a compliment but I take it as one anyway.

I had an awesome weekend, and I feel very good about life in general right now. I haven't taken my pills since Wednesday and I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but whatever. I am so grateful that I have so much love in my life right now, and I want to use that productively instead of lazily like I have been. So, I need to work on that.

I really don't want to end this right now, but I need to, cuz I have to go to the doctor in the morning. Okay. I am shutting up now. Seriously. Stay tuned tomorrow for more birthday fun.