Well, I haven't changed the channel yet cuz yeah, this is pretty groovin, I guess.

Let's get crunk, people.

I can't wait for that Alicia Silverstone TV show. She's purty.

Now here's a match I wouldn't really think of off the top of my head.. Kelly Osbourne, Avril Lavigne and Duran Duran. She's like "I love you guys!" Uh huh. I bet, Kelly.

Oh wow! That was such a horrible intro that I almost wanted to claw my eyes out from all the tension. But they're winning a lifetime achievement award and that's cool so I'll shut up now.

Best dance video - woot. Mya kinda turned into a ho, didn't she? I liked her in Chicago but now she's all ho-ish and just like everyone else. Justin Timberlake won. He can rock my body, if he would like. I will let him.

Is anyone actually reading this? *sigh*

Commercial. Queer Eye is on, but I've already seen it. Oooh, Insomnia is on! Dave Atell is rocktackular.

Back to MTV. Justin is up there again. Why do I love him so much? Oooh, Coldplay. I'm not even going to commentate this, I'm going to sit on the sofa and stare in awe.

Such greatness. Really. Chris Rock said, "Man, I hope you didn't slit your wrists to that one." That song makes me want to go and buy their album that I sold because it depressed me too much. Anyway.

Ewww. John Mayer is up for an award. I just hate him for some reason. Not as much as I hate Rush, but yeah.. I don't like him.

Johnny Cash is up for an award too, for Hurt, the absolute most depressing video of all time. Seriously. That is some sad shit.

Justin wins again. I like him. I think we all know that by this time.

Where is Axl? Come on, Axl. You know you want to be here.

Commercial. So far this is a pretty good show. Everyone is being way too respectful to each other, seriously.. nobody is dissing anyone, Eminem is being nice to everyone, Justin Timberlake is giving props to 50 Cent and Eminem, and there's just a lot of harmony. I'm waiting for the last act of the night, though. I know it'll be NOTHING like last year when I almost wet my panties, but thats okay. There has to be more surprises than Madonna and Britney being total whores together.

I have not seen any of my banners yet. I seriously bought like 12,000 of them.

Jessica Simpson has apparently decided to become Brestica Simpson. Ahahahaha. I crack myself up.

Pamela Anderson did not come tonight with Kid Rock, she came with her ex Baywatch boyfriend. What's up with that? They were so cute together.

Best New Artist - Simple Plan with that Addicted song that I try not to listen to but I do anyway because I'm a whore like that. Oooh, let Evanescence win at least one award! Pllleeassee!

50 Cent won. *sigh*

*burp*

50 Cent has been in approximately 6 different outfits in 2.5 hours. That's rather girly of him.

Beyonce is performing now, and for some reason, she's upside down and it looks very surreal or something. There's a whole bunch of dudes in black body suits copping a feel on Beyonce and somehow that's really sexy. Maybe its just because I've been deprived of porn lately.

Ugh, that pizza is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

I can't BELIEVE that Beyonce is 21 years old! I just can't! Here comes Jay Z, Beyonce's beyotch. He really reminds me of Scott, Matt's roadtrip friend. Well, the black version of Scott. Anyway.

She reminds me that Mars is like inches away from the planet and I am now inspired to go out and look to see if I can find it. Mars break!

A few minutes later.. okay, I think I saw it. At least I saw a big orangy-like star and I'm going to make believe that's Mars because it's really purty.

Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore! Yayyy. I'm sorry, but Drew Barrymore is like the hottest chick ever in the whole world. Ben Stiller is not attractive at all.

Viewer's Choice Award. I would like Eminem to win this one. OHNO! GOOD CHARLOTTE WINS! THIS IS A TRAVESTY OF THE AMERICAN LEGAL SYSTEM! THIS IS TOTAL CRAP! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!

Grrrrr. The American people SUCK! They don't know what's good for them! They SUCK!

Okay, I'm finished now.

I guess Metallica is going to close the show.

Oh, mommy's calling. I had to talk to her about my gyno appointment so I subsequently missed the funny goingsons of Adam Sandler and Snoop. I slacked on my duties and I apologize.

I guess we're doing video of the year now. Some dude just joined them all up there and had to be dragged away by producers. Oooh, excitement. That's the most excitement we've had since the whole Madonna-Britney-Skankulera spank fest at the beginning.

Missy Elliot wins.

Metallica is on. They are doing a little medley of stuff such as Lenny Kravitz's Are You Gonna Go My Way, Smells Like Teen Spirit, some White Stripes song, a Michael Jackson song that I forgot the name of because my memory is worse than a 25 year old heroin addict's. And can I just say that I love Lars Ulrich? I don't know why. I just do. Now they're singing one of their own songs, and I'm so out of touch with my metal roots that I really don't recognize it at all. James Hetfield looks metafully delicious, though.

And I'm sad that Axl couldn't join us tonight, but he fucked up his big chance last year. If he could have sacked up and went through with all the concerts he was supposed to do, everything would have been cool. He could have made a comeback. But he didn't. And that is one of the biggest dissapointments in the musical history of my life.

*sigh*

And thats it. Not much excitement, really. The best part was at the beginning. I suppose I should give props to Metallica. I don't know. My life force is dwindling. I don't think this year could have compared to last year at all because of the whole Axl thing, so it's kinda anti climatic. Coldplay was probably the best part of the night for me. They rocked.

So far, there has been zero interest in this and I feel like I have just wasted about 3 hours of my life. But thats okay. This is art! I have to focus on my art!

Anyway, thank you for joining me in my VMA adventure. Have a groovy night. Axl, I love you, please come back to me and the rest of the world.