So, it's Friday. I've been so focused on getting a job and losing weight and crap (not that I have, but I think about it lots) that I really have been abandoning the Friend search. So, what am I doing tonight? I guess doing the stuff I patented for myself in Austin as the Alone Night, which basically consists of a nap, a movie, and some quality bookstore time. Which I don't mind all that much, but really! I need friends! Where are they?! I'm actually thinking about renting Gigli tonight, for shits and giggles.

Last night I had a dream about Brooke, AKA Diet Friend. I haven't talked to her in a few years and she was a really good friend, especially during the summer 3 years ago when we went to a bible study together. I felt like I could really bond with her, as she was always dieting and came from the same kind of background I did. I lost touch with her, as I do with most of my friends.

I keep on getting more and more mad at myself as time goes by when I think about how I spent my college years. I just don't understand why I put myself in such a huge funk, and it wasn't like I did for a year or two. It was the whole 4 and half years until Matt finally had enough of it and dumped my ass, but that was only a month and a half before graduation, so it wasn't like I really had time to realize that I was pissing my life away.

Well, at least I learned a valuable lesson: throwing away all your existing friends for a guy that will eventually turn his back on you (and don't they all eventually?) is just really a stupid idea.

I did go to Matt's yesterday and we had a nice few hours of foreplay, thunderstorms, the American Idol results show on TIVO (You Americans.. I swear, Jasmine over Latoya?) and some fun secret shopping. It was nice. But it's almost been a year since we "got back together" and it's still exactly the same as it was before I moved here. I want more.

I'm bored. And I guess a bit cranky.

Oh, and I almost got my roomate and I evicted on Tuesday, as I didn't put the apartment number on the rent check so they didn't think I paid the rent! We got a letter that said "You have 3 days to get out of here for non-payment of rent!" Everything was figured out and a major crisis was averted, but that was still fun. And it resulted in me and Roomate watching the Friends finale instead of me going to work on Wednesday morning, while we waited for the apartment people to call us back. Yes, I am a big enough dork to actually get the Friends series finale on DVD. Bite me.

And I was supposed to hear about that job I interviewed for last week, but I haven't, and I'm thinking that's bad. So let's all hold hands and pray.

This was supposed to be short.

*****

a year ago...

"I don't know how to get over this.. I thought I was better and maybe I am, a little bit, but it's still there, and I know it's just not going to go away. My feelings for him were just too powerful to just let go of right now. He was my shadow, he was practically all I used to live for, and now that's gone. I don't have that luxury anymore. And it's just so fucking hard to accept that sometimes."

2 years ago...

"Thank you for the last 55 months. They haven't always been easy, but I wouldn't have wanted to spend them with anyone else.

Thank you for your passion for me. I don't always feel like I deserve it, but you are always there to show me that I do.

Thank you for your passionate kisses. They tasted good today.

Thank you for not giving up on me even though I have to be the world's worst friend.

Thank you for making the bed the way you do. It just looks so friggin cozy when you do that.

Thank you for being the best dog ever in the whole world, and for living 13 years. You got the paper everyday. You were special.

Thank you for being a friend. Traveling down the road and back again.